Jill’s blog

Yes, I’m aware that I haven’t blogged in a while. Between summer semester (I have successfully finished Phase I -yay!) , starting clinicals, and being on vacation, life has been tres busy. Anyway, since I am staring at a research paper trying to finish it, I decided to take a little break. Right now, I’m trying a new eating plan that requires me to eat every 3-4 hours, as deemed by my new dietitian. She’s actually pretty cool, and we’re delving into some of the reasons behind the emotional eating as well (it sucks, even thought I know I need to -yay. therapy.) She’s realistic, and realizes that I will not 1)give up half and half, 2) will not be getting up early to eat breakfast (yes, I eat in the car), and 3) I eat late at night on a regular basis. So… with all those factors in mind, I’m embarking on this new eating plan. It’s definitely weird not to be waiting to eat until I’m starving, and then not eating ’til I’m stuffed; it feels funny to be sticking to the clock, for the most part, since my hunger cues are essentially non-existent at this point. The goal is to get rid of the physical cravings by eating on a regular basis so they don’t tag-team with the emotional cues to get me off track. I’ve never worked individually with a dietitian before, so it’s actually pretty refreshing. Since I don’t work in an office and work long hours in which I essentially depend on others to give me a break away from the OR, it’s nice to have someone understand that and work with me on it. Hmm… other news… I can’t believe I already have an exam in less than 2 weeks! Crazy. Clinicals are very cool so far; I often feel like a complete doofus, but it seems everyone goes through that and I can’t believe everything I’ve already learned. Still going to OA meetings, not as many as while in Phase I, but I’ve found that life is easier when I go and hear stuff I need to hear. So, after saying all that, I have to say that life is pretty good.

Can I just tell you how excited I am about Freecycle? I have already gotten neat stuff for my office (For Free!! Okay, just can’t get over it) and have gotten rid of so much stuff/dust collectors around the house. Oodles of textbooks? Gone. Oodles of the latest and greatest diet fad books I’ve amassed? Gone. I just *love* this idea! It’s like having a yard sale/dumpster dive/curb rescue all while sitting in the comforts of my own home! What will they think of next? Yes, I know; new addiction. But I don’t have too much time left to indulge in it since I start back to school in one week (already!).

On another thrifty note, I actually got it together enough to put some stuff up on ebay, and it’s (surprisingly) selling. Who’da thought someone would actually pay for stuff I have? Amazing.

So, since I’ve read several friend’s meme’s on their blogs, thought I’d contribute my own “7 random facts about me” meme. I consider myself tagged.

1. I have read “Little Women” and other Louisa May Alcott books well over one hundred times. For some reason, those books and the “Anne of Green Gables” books from Lucy Maud Montogmery are my go to books when I can’t sleep. I know them so well, there’s no suspense since I know the stories by heart; I’ve been reading them for the past twenty years or so. They’re very comforting to me in a warm and fuzzy way.

2. I am addicted to home improvement/decorating shows. I record them on the DVR and watch them incessantly. I just love seeing what designers come up with; I have no talent in that area. I wish I could pull a room together in my house the way they do it on TV, but I don’t have that vision. Maybe someday I’ll be able to get some advice on what to do with my house, and have the money to implement it; here’s hoping!

3. I didn’t get a driver’s license until I was 23 years old. I was licensed as an RN a year before that, and my little sister (6 years younger!) got her license 2 years before I did. I failed my first driving test and never went back since I was moving to a big city where I wasn’t going to have a car anyway. Then I moved to another big city after college and wasn’t interested in driving until I met my husband; he’s the one who actually taught me how to drive. If we ever have kids, he’s going to be the one to teach them because he was so calm during all my white-knuckledness.

4. I like to quilt, and crosstitch. I haven’t done either in a while since starting school and I miss it. I wanted to make a quilt for my good friend’s daughter for her birthday, but I have a feeling it won’t be ready until her 3rd birthday rather than her 1st, which has already passed. I’ve been cross-stitching for a long time now but quilting is new to me. The Quilters Unlimited Guild is having their annual quilt expo at the Dulles Expo Center the first weekend in June (it always coincides with the Herndon Festival) and I’ll definitely be going to both!

5. I also like singing. I miss that tremendously. The Reston Chorale just performed an amazing piece of new music this past weekend and I miss being part of it. I really love being part of a choral group; when I’m done with school (oh, that glorious day!) I’m definitely re-upping my membership in the Chorale.

6. I hate knick-knacky things and clutter in general. The only knick-knacks I can really stand are pictures and artwork-type things. Generally I’m not a fan of figurines, stuffed animals, and other dust catchers. My clutter tends to center around papers, since I also hate to organize it. I’m making some headway on it, and soon I’ll be able to fit my nice shelving unit (I <3 Freecycle!) into the office with room to spare.

7. Last but not least, I’m a compulsive overeater and attend Overeaters Anonymous meetings. I debated on ending with this one, since I’ve been keeping it a secret for a while and although a few people know, I wasn’t sure if I would be okay with it being public knowledge. After trying so many plans, pills, and potions to lose weight, I finally lost it and felt totally hopeless about my weight and lack of control around it. So I attended my first OA meeting almost 3 months ago, and it really has helped me deal with it in a much more manageable way. I have lost weight, but more importantly, I feel like I’m just dealing with food, and with life, much better than I used to. I’m not perfect, and that’s okay. (How’s that for a Stuart Smalley-ism!

Anyway, that’s me in a random-esque nutshell! Wanna be tagged? Okay, you’re it!

…but I’ve been really, really busy. Really, I promise. The spring semester is finally finito, and I got through finals relatively unscathed, thanks to my absolutely fabulous hubby (really, I’d been in a filthy pigsty living on junk food if he didn’t take care of me this semester) and, of course, all the love and support I’ve received through so many others. (Yeah, I know… it’s not the Oscars, so get on with it!) Anyway, the point is, I feel like I can actually spend some time writing down some thoughts without feeling guilty that there is something I should be doing instead.

BTW… I’m trying to abolish the word should from my vocabulary. Whenever I start thinking on that vein .hmm.. should be exercising more, should be taking care of myself, should be doing XYZ, it invariably follows that I’m just not doing everything I should each day (an impossibly long list for myself that few mere mortals could accomplish). So who the hell told me I should be doing any of this?!

So then something in me kicks in and I say, no, I don’t wanna do XYZ. And so I don’t. So where does that leave me? In not a good place, I can tell you. So what am I going to do about it? Well, time will tell, especially in the next couple of weeks. I really need to reorganize the office,especially all the papers I’ve been stepping on in the past couple of weeks, okay, months. There is no deadline, nothing to run against, no one telling me to do it but the responsible part of myself that knows my school life will be so much easier (not to mention a happy hubby who has held his tongue for far too long about the state of the office even though it’s been driving him bonkers)when I don’t have to spend hours looking for stuff and reprinting stuff I misplaced (yes, that definitely hurts the earthy-crunchy conservator part of me). So, as Lucy Kaplansky said when we saw her Friday night, “Sometimes you just have to tell that inner child to Grow Up!”

I concur. Time to get the job done. (I’m actually thinking about posting some before and after shots just so I can see the difference -kinda like my own reorganization show!)

Well, it would be a little bit better if I didn’t have 2 midterms next week to study for; one being at 7:30 AM Monday Morning! Ack! Just the right rude awakening one needs after a week of vacation! Well, the first part of vacation was defeinitely a vacation. Kerry and I went to Massanutten Resort near Harrisonburg VA for 5 days; it was heavenly. We spent time in Charlottesville (my favorite town in VA) and hung out with our friends Meg and Ahren which was tres fun. We went to an indoor waterpark at the resort with Meg and Ahren as well, which was neat because since thy’re locals and have been to the park a lot, they knew the best slides and the less crowded hot tub and stuff. Very fun, since I love waterparks and had a grand time, as well as a lot more exercise than studying on my bum at home! Kerry went skiing but I declined; visions of tumbling down the mountain, braking a leg and not being able to finish school kept haunting me. I know the best frame of mind to be in while skiing is carefree; otherwise you get hurt. So we opted for a “tubing for 2″ outing which was my V-day present to my beloved. And, boy, did I have a great time! Whizzing down the hill and getting to ride a lift to the top! I’m forever spoiled to sledding now.

I’m getting excited that the semester is almost half over, even though it sucks to have midterms the week after spring break! At least my Easter break will be After the next 2 big tests we have. It will be nice to get this semester done, since I’ll only have 1 7 week semester until the OR! Yay!

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A fantastic article about binge eating, and one which I completely relate to. I think it’s an insightful read whether you’re a binge eater or if you’re not but don’t really understand the difference between indulging and binge eating.

So, I made a commitment to myself this year to get healthier. I know, intellectually, that I will feel better both physically and emotionally if I commit myself to a healthier lifestyle. Well, now it’s already almost March, and I am just about where I was as the beginning of the year, physically, anyway. Emotionally, I definitely feel better. Why? Because I made a much more important commitment to myself -cut down on the negative self-talk. I am often trying to hold myself up to these lofty goals, and get angry and frustrated that I don’t achieve them. I should have an organized office, be caught up on my schoolwork, exercise daily, and eat healthy, satisfying meals. Instead I am drowning in paperwork and always stepping over/on stuff in the office, constantly behind in schoolwork, can’t remember the last time I exercised (other than walking Illa) and just gave up fast food for Lent because I couldn’t conceive of giving it up any other way.

An aside about Lent. I would classify myself as a Christian, but don’t attend any church regularly. I attended several churches growing up, including Catholic, Congregationalist, Presbyterian, and we were married by a Methodist minister. But there is one thing I do without fail every year -I always give up something for Lent. It’s almost always some sort of food; last year it was french fries, one year it was chocolate (that one nearly did me in!) …anyway, I can’t remember ever cheating if I’ve given it up for Lent. It is one promise I make to myself and stick to -for forty days and nights, anyway!

So, this year I’ve decided to make a positive promise to myself in addition to giving up something I usually want. I’m cutting myself some slack. It takes time to make changes; just because I haven’t done it all yet doesn’t mean I should just throw 2007 away as yet another year I can’t get it together, right? I have kept off 20 pounds for almost a year -that’s something to be proud of. I am doing well in school and get things done on my own time. And, well, the office needs work because I’m driving myself (not to mention Kerry, although he’s been awfully nice about not mentioning it) crazy not being able to find stuff. I rejoined Weight Watchers, and although I lost and regained my first 5 pounds, I’m down at least 2 pounds this week. I am doing the Core plan again and it’s inspiring me to try some new recipes and eat more healthy foods since I’m not constantly worrying about points! As far as weight loss goals -sure, I’ve got them. But there’s no time limit. My smaller clothes I’ve bought in anticipation -they’ll still be there when I’m ready for them. My goal to getting back to where I was when I started school will be to use the gift certificate for a mani-pedi I got for Valentine’s Day. It will be spring around that time, just the right time for sandals and showing off toes! And as far as the negative talk goes -I tell myself things I would never, ever say to someone I love or even someone I don’t even know. So, it’s time to stop saying them to myself and give credit where it’s due. I think I’ve grabbed a piece of success!

So, the past couple of weeks I’ve been insanely busy studying -I feel like I’ve been shackled to my computer, writing up endless objectives for physiology and trying to get my very-not-good-at-Math head working to remember formulas and actually use them. Not to mention the pathophysiology test I had last Wed. Ugh. We were supposed to have this Very Important Test yesterday. On Valentine’s Day. Well, I thought, it’s not sooo terrible since the test will be over and I can enjoy my hubby for an evening, who is making me dinner and we can actually spend some time together. Well…. snow/ice/everything in between butted in and we ended up with a snow day. Not so bad, I thought again, so we take the test on Friday; I can still spend Valentine’s Day with my honey and finish studying Thursday and Friday morning. So, yesterday was a nice leisurely day. Stayed in my jammies, watched some Rachael Ray (yes, I’m an addict -I just love that show!)  read some of my new novel, and pretty much puttered around the house. Until 7pm.

At 7pm the course coordinator sends an email to everyone informing them that she can’t reschedule the speaker we have at our regularly scheduled class time on Friday, so we’re taking the exam on Thursday. Whaaaat?! Oh shit. So now I’m pissed at myself that I didn’t use the day to study and am in a foul mood… just in time for the nice dinner my loving hubby has made for us! Boo. So instead of spending time with him after dinner, I’m stuck in the office (beginning to see a pattern here?) studying again.

I woke up at 5am this morning in a last-ditch effort to shove any more information into the nooks and crannies of my brain and ended up going to school around 11am -after some touch and go moments trying to get out of my ice-slicked-over parking space; only finally succeeding when hubby pushed me out (Thanks, honey!). The test was really hard, but I think I did okay. Not great, but okay. I just can’t tell. It was not a test I felt particularly good about afterward; I guess I just feel a bit numb; exhaustion will do that to me every time. It will be nice to have a 3 day weekend and our spring break is in sight! It will be nice to not be in school for a whole week even if I’ve got oodles of stuff to do. But for now; I get to have Valentine’s Day part deux.

I have a feeling this blog is going to be school related for, oh, the next two years or so… I feel like that’s all my life is with a few exceptions in which I feel like I should be doing schoolwork. This semester has really knocked me for  loop. Each class is demanding in its own way, with physiology by far topping the list. I have 5-6 lectures a week in that class, and each lecture has at least 6 questions to answer. This entails sitting at my computer figuring out how to answer each one; it takes me hours. And hours. And hours. This is only one class! I could collaborate with some folks to split up the questions but this is really the one way I’m going to learn it; I have a lot more retention if I type/write the information rather than just reading it. But… it takes a LOT of time. I never feel like I’m caught up, which is really frustrating. The other 5 classes are not as demanding but a few are pretty damn close. But, what can I say, but… back to work.

Yep, that’s right! We’ve got our own offcial week, even if I totally forgot to post it until now (Oops. bad Jilly -no Jilly biscuit). Check out AANA’s website at www.AANA.com to learn more about what we do and why we’re so great! If you have surgery or any other procedure requiring anesthesia in the US, over 65% of the time it is going to be administered by a CRNA (Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist). My classmates and I were invited to a (free!) dinner on Tuesday at the Chart house in Aleaxandria by the VA district 2 association of Nurse Anesthetists and got to meet lots of future colleagues and basically talk shop and network for the evening which was great! So, if you are interested why I’m putting myself  through full time school, this is the reason -CRNAs rock! I can’t wait to call myself one! Yeah, I’m slightly cheerleader-ish, but you would be too if you finally found something you could be good at , love, and still make some money! Whoopee!